Today, folks, I braved it!
I took my two girls (and my best bud for back up) to Eddie Cats, our local children's soft play hang out!
Where do I begin.. Firstly it cost me £7.95 to get in. £6.45 for the 4yo and £1.50 for the 11mo - my
friend and I got in for free (this was about the only good thing).
We made our way through the crowds of parents all sitting down drinking their cups of coffee and reading the papers. Well, if I could I spose I would. My two don't let you sit down and reap that luxury of taking them oh no YOU too have to get your daily exercise and climb the squidgy stairs of doom!
I took the 11mo in the 'under 90cm' play bit whilst the 4yo went off to explore (only to return within 2 minutes claiming she wanted me to go and explore with her). This is when my first real issue begun, a boy blatantly OVER 90cm came waltzing in and gather up the soft building blocks then ran out with as many as he could carry, I let it go. He then came back a few minutes later to get another armful - by this time I'd started to build a fort with them hoping to deter him from taking any more. This didn't bother him and as he rounded up the last of them I looked at him and said "where are you taking them all" to which he replied "up to the top, we're having great fun, don't worry we're going in a bit and I'll bring them back". Well what could I say to that? So he made off with the last of the blocks and left my 11mo sitting on a padded mat looking at herself in a mirror - fun?! I think not. By this time the 4yo had been back at least 100 times begging me to go and "explore" with her. So we left the 'under 90cm' play bit and went to play football. This was actually ok, and probably the most fun had by all.. well this was until the bigger kids came in and started booting the ball around so we eventually left this bit too.
I saw the "robber" who'd stolen the blocks making his way to the exit with his Dad, had he returned them to their rightful place? Had he fuck, lying little shit!
I then gave in, left the 11mo with my buddy whilst I went with the 4yo to "explore"! Oh what fun! Climbing the stairs of doom, being shoved & pushed out of the way by kids who don't even know the word 'excuse me' but I held my tongue, after all they are kids and that's what kids do.. right?!
Then it happened I saw the blocks that had been wrongly taken from the baby bit downstairs, I said to Molly "quick, grab as many as you can and run"! I was just about to make tail with mine and this kid grabbed the end of the block and starred at me, I starred back.. he said "give it to me" I said "no! These are MINE" and then I ran. I went back up for more but when I got back with the second lot I saw another kid making off with the ones I'd just bought back - fighting a loosing battle? Yes I think so.
I thought I'd just let the 11mo play where she wanted, so we all made our way to the stairs of doom. For a moment I thought 'this wont be so bad' and then I got shoved out the way - by the same kid who I had the stare off with - and he then clambered over my 11mo to get past! Second thoughts, not such a good idea!
My buddy, at this point, had huddled herself in a corner! We found a quiet area with a play mat and books so we sat there for a bit. My buddy looked at me and I looked at her - I asked her what time we'd arrived hoping we had done an hour, we hadn't. I said to her "does it feel like you've been here a year" to which she replied "and the rest!".
I then needed the loo. This is the other bit I HATE, after they have taken your shoes and made you put them in a box you are then expected to go into the public loo with just your socks on! YUK - major washing when we get home!
When I returned I warned the 4yo that we would be going very soon, she agreed but only if I got her the chocolate lolly she'd clocked from the moment we got in there! Fair enough, anything for an easy life.. The last thing we did - well attempted to do - was play the air hockey game. This was going ok but we soon had a crowd of boys who wanted to play but whose parents didn't want to pay the extra 50p for them to have a game (and rightly so I think, the only reason my 4yo got to play was because my buddy offered her a game. I don't think after paying £7.95 to get into somewhere you should then have to fork out more money for these machines that they strategically place around the centre, along with the god damn chocolate lollies) anyway, these boys kept hitting the puck with their hands and it was really starting to piss me off until eventually one of them saw his opportunity and grabbed the hitter and refused to give it back. The only reason I didn't fight this was because the 4yo had got bored and didn't want to finish the game anyway!
The last straw, she insisted on this lolly - which by the way was no bigger than 6cm tall and 3cm wide - I was worried as there didn't appear to be a price.. you know how this is going to end.. I'd already made up my mind any more than £1 and I wasn't paying. I asked the assistant behind the counter and held my breath... £1 freaking 75p NO WAY. We then had to leave with the 4yo crying and having a fit, me almost crying (these were tears of shear joy) that we were actually leaving this hole, and my buddy looking on in disbelief at the whole experience!
I will leave you with this, my best buds facebook status after this outing..
"experienced Eddie Cats for the first time today, that's all the contraception I need"
